Category: Gifts of Character

How can I demonstrate that everyone is worthy of care and attention – dignity?  In my mind there are 2 major ways, both of which are more easily stated than done.  We discussed these this week with our students and their comments were especially profound.

 

Listening to others:  We hear parents always say that they just want their children to listen to them or their spouse to do so.  Listening is a skill that most of us can work on.  The hardest part is really listening without thinking about how we are going to add to the conversation.  One of our students said the reason people do not listen so well, is because they think their answer or what they have to say is more correct or more important than the person talking.  I don’t think any of us do that on purpose, but the perception of the person speaking may be just that.

 

Imagine a student in class, who has been called on by the teacher, giving their answer, and other students are raising their hands, waving, making anxious noises in anticipation of correcting or making their point.  Does that not make the person commenting a bit anxious to say what they started saying and to add to it, just to be sure they cover everything they think others might be thinking.

 

In the adult world we may not wave our hands around and make anxious noises – but we all have been interrupted, or had the other person tell us how they know how we feel as they begin their own story without asking anything about our experience.  How was that for you, How did that feel, What worries you about this.  They may not have noticed our emotions as we told our story – just thinking about how they are going to solve our issue or one up the story with one of their own.

Listening begins with:

1. asking open-ended questions,
2. continues with receptive silence, and
3. followed by questions that allow the speaker to empty their cup and get to the heart of the matter.

 

Being fair to others:  This is a tough philosophical question about what is fair?  Fairness does not require that all things are equal.  That may sound harsh at first, but to use a very simple example – does a 3 year old get the same size slice of pie as their mom or dad?  Of course not.  They get what they need and deserve.  When I brought this example up to a group of 6 year old’s though I used ‘pumpkin pie’ as the example and they all thought that they should get the same size piece of pie.  I was not surprised.  But when I asked them if the 3 year old should get the same amount of spinach as mom or dad – the answer was a resounding NO!

 

Here is what I learned from that exchange.  Many times our idea of fairness is based on our wants and desires (or sugar) and not on what we need or deserve.  How does this tie into dignity and our relationships with others?

 

Every human needs to be accepted as a part of the global community.  In our society we need to ask ourselves if our relationships are based on the dignity of others or on popularity?  Does our role as a leader either in a family, business or organization demonstrate that we accept others as valuable and connect with them on an equal level?  Are we willing to allow others to shine and do we create opportunities for others to grow and create their independence or do we avoid and push some out because they are different?  Do we listen to others equally and treat them like they matter?
Our discussions have really made me stop and think about dignity and the connection it has to being respectful of all life.  Helping our children to appreciate treating others like they matter will help them in all of their roles in life as they grow up.

Think of all of the people in your life.  All of us play different roles in life – mother, father, spouse, children, friend, schoolmate, employer, employee, teacher, student, acquaintance.  If we believe that all people deserve to be treated with dignity, how can we be sure that we are living that belief?  How can we show that we are treating others with care and attention – like they matter?

 

There are a few simple things we can practice – yet sometimes these are easy to forget:

Listening:  Really listening to whom we are speaking.  We know we are listening if we have good eye contact, asking appropriate questions, nodding our head as they speak, and most important – not thinking about what we want to say when they are done.  People feel that the best conversations they have are the ones that the other person really listens – they feel like they really matter.

Empathy:  When we see another person having a tough day, showing them that we care and that they matter.  For different people that may look different.  For some having a tough day they just need time to de-compresss, so allowing them that time is what we do.  For others they need to talk about what is happening to them – our listening skills come into play – not judging or fixing – just listening.  Asking those we recognize as not feeling so great – what we can do to help them.  We may know what we can do and then when we just do it – they feel cared for.

Meeting new people:  When there is someone new in our community (school, neighborhood, workplace) treating them with dignity may be as simple as a greeting, showing them around, inviting them to eat with us.  This is especially true if they are not outgoing or are a bit different from others, our response to them with a caring and helpful attitude will make them feel accepted.

Did you notice how all of these tie together?  Meeting new people calls for empathy and listening skills, listening skills helps our empathy, empathy increases our listening skills.  Giving others the dignity that they deserve is a way of showing honor to others as humans, compassion, kindness, respect, unity, friendliness and consideration.   We get to practice many of our gifts of character by giving dignity to others.

There are certain things of life that all humans should have including food, shelter, clean water and education.  There are many places in the world where that is not the case.  Living in the United States the rights we are afforded so freely are valuable to us, and we recognize the rights of others to feel valued and treated with kindness, care and respect.  Even animals in our society are recognized as valuable and they are treated like they matter.

The question we would like to explore though is how you can treat yourself with dignity.  Do you treat yourself like you matter?  We treat ourselves with dignity when we take care of our bodies and stand up for ourselves.  Here are some ways that we can demonstrate that we matter:

• Healthy foods – when we eat healthy we are supplying ourselves with good things for our body, being careful not to take in harmful things that could shorten our life. Character trait: Self Discipline
• Sleep – getting enough sleep is one of the leading helps to emotional &  physical growth Character trait:  Orderliness
• Hygiene – Taking care of our body, hair, teeth all is a part to showing we respect ourselves. Character trait: Cleanliness
• Self talk – The words we use and the stories we tell our self has an impact on our emotions and ability to have courage to be ourselves.  Character trait: Gentleness
• Standing up for ourselves-  Character trait: Assertiveness

Begin with treating yourself with dignity, followed by family, followed by others who are close to us and then we can be of service to those in the world who may not have experienced feeling dignity in their own life.

Each month we will discuss one gift of character with all of our students. This month the word is Dignity.  This life skill will be defined in the following ways for our students.

Young students: Dignity means: We all deserve to be treated like we matter!

Older students: Dignity means:  Treating ourselves and others like we are all worthy of care and attention.

We are not your typical after school activity, in fact we are an education center, working with students on physical self defense skills, while empowering families to bring out the best in our children and ourselves – through the martial arts.  We believe every child has 52 gifts  in them already.  They only need to be taught how to grow and use them in their life.  Balanced Life Skills serves parents, teachers and students to reach that goal.

If you would like to see Joe Van Deuren and Balanced Life Skills at work,  TRY CLASSES FOR FREE for 2 weeks.