If you would like to see how we will talk about Citizenship with our students please follow our discussions here during the month of NOVEMBER or come in and TRY A CLASS.
Suicide is a major, preventable mental health problem. In 2009, 14.4 percent of all deaths of young people between the ages of 15 and 24 occurred with completed suicides. Here is what is important to understand. While it may seem common, it is not a healthy or typical response to stress.
While many of us could recognize some of the risk factors such as depression, substance abuse, prior attempts there are many others that may occur in combination or change over time. Many people may have these risk factors and not be suicidal. So how are we to know when to speak up and how to do so?
There are signs that we can look for and more important there is help available. Balanced Life Skills is dedicated to the health of our children in the community and is offering a FREE seminar that will get rid of the myths that are commonly believed about suicide. The training is offered to everyone in the community, because just as with CPR, the more of us who are trained in knowing the signs and what to do when we see them – the more lives can be saved, not just of our youth but all in our community.
We live in a culture and society that encourages us to compare ourselves to others. The media is constantly telling us that we are not as good as another because we do not look a certain way or because we do not have certain clothing or other status type items. Even people who are leaders in business many times pin their self-esteem on the success of their business accomplishments. Success might give you a temporary feeling of self esteem, but it will soon falter with your next challenge or failure.
Feelings of guilt, not liking our selves, or self talk that is not kind all have the results of worsening your self esteem. Instead when we realize that loving ourselves for who we are, not what we have or do, is a choice that every moment gives us a new opportunity to choose and to practice.
Where are you on the self esteem scale of 1-10? Do you hold yourself in very high self esteem or do you not like yourself very much? How we think is in fact a habit that we have formed, sometimes from very early on in our life. We may have developed our thinking from messages that we received from our parents or others that we have now internalized and we continue to give the messages back to ourselves. But now is the time to change the messages and we can make that choice by choosing the way we talk to ourselves.
If we have children giving them messages about who they are, separate from their outward successes or failures, that are positive, kind and loving will build self esteem. There is nothing that should be an excuse for not loving ourselves or our children. Our focus as parents and teachers is not on a failure but on the good parts of the child and the effort. If they do not get the grade they wanted, the trophy they worked hard for, or the belt (in martial arts) they hoped for, this not a sign of them not being a good person. Do not be so hard on yourself or the child. The message we must give our child and ourselves too is that loving ourselves always starts by loving ourselves even when you do not feel so good about yourself.
Take a look at the gifts you have, the talents and abilities that you possess and of what you have accomplished already with them. Before you start comparing yourself to others and their accomplishments, smile at the accomplishments you have achieved in the short time you have been here in this body on the earth.
While the media and sometimes other humans are telling us what more we should be striving for, the secret to feeling good about ourselves and having self esteem is to look at what we already have and accomplished. In fact this secret goes one step further as described in the Tao Te Ching by Lao-tzu:
“Heaven is eternal – the earth endures. Why do heaven and earth last forever? They do not live for themselves only. This is the secret of their durability….. Serve the needs of others, and all your own needs will be fulfilled.”
Have you discovered that too; when we are willing to give to others that we do feel good about ourselves? But when our ego pushes us to have and be more and we are constantly striving to be better than, our inner peace and satisfaction with ourselves is diminished? If we are constantly striving, and never feel complete our self esteem suffers. When we let go and appreciate what we have and all we have been given, the concept we have of ourselves is growing.
It is definitely autumn here in Wudang now. It is getting cooler, and we just celebrated the Moon festival a little over a week ago. And here at the kungfu school, our daily schedule has shifted.
In the summer, our schedule clusters around the early morning and the late evening, with a long rest period and meditation in the middle of the day to avoid the worst of the heat. In the winter, our schedule gets very busy during the warmth of the day, but we get to rest at night when it is uncomfortably cold. This is one of the first things that I learned to love about our schedule here. One feels much more connected to nature when your daily life actually changes to fit it. Life feels good when it’s “dawn to dusk” and not “nine to five.”
Another aspect I am learning to appreciate more recently is the change in my body’s potential from season to season. In the summer, my muscles are long and limber. It is the time for swift growth and flexibility. Winter, my body gets compact and powerful. It is the time for strength and stoking the embers of the body’s vitality. This shift connects to our larger curriculum. Martial Arts is too varied and complex to practice everything you ought to practice all the time. But there is a time for everything, and so our training comes in waves. Flexibility, low stances, internal development, sparring, body conditioning, kicks, punches, cardio endurance, meditation — each wave comes in its own season. The discipline of martial arts is in maintaining each skill when you can’t focus on it, and seizing the opportunity when the time for growth arrives, like a tree in a tough climate. You can’t cut me open and count my rings, but you get the idea 🙂
Summertime stretch test: Shifu's stick should not pass under my hips in the splits postion
How a child or adult feels about themselves is what self esteem is all about. What is it that you like about yourself is something that we can ask our children, or what is it that you did today that made you smile about yourself?
Giving our children the opportunity to have gratitude about who they are will over time build their self esteem. At the same time that we are encouraging them to think about what they like about themselves, a little note or kind word to them about something that is special about them, will go a long way to helping them feel good about themselves too.
Then one of my favorites is the simple but highly effective SMILE. A smile from us to our children reminds them that we approve of them being them. It will also bring ourselves as parents under more control when they the children don’t have our greatest approval. 🙂
