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Every individual feels anger in their body and mind in different ways. Some may feel it as a tenseness in a certain body part like their fists, face, chest, or in their whole body. All of us when we are feeling angry do not think the same way that we would if we were calm, so again the question comes up around how to deal with our anger.

While there may be times that taking a breath works for us or counting slows us down enough to get our thoughts in order, for many of us doing something physical with our bodies is our way of dealing with anger. Some of our options may be working out, going for a brisk walk or run, taking part in a sport that is physical. Some suggest that hitting or kicking a bag like in the martial arts is a good idea.

I have to agree that physically working hard is a great idea – the idea of hitting a pillow as some kids are instructed to do, is not a great idea unless we have control of our thoughts. Imagine someone being angry with another person and they are hitting the pillow, bag, or other object pretending that they are getting their anger out on that person.

In effect they are practicing hitting the person they are angry with until the anger is gone. Doing this is not a good idea, for it may be a pillow today, a wall or door tomorrow and unfortunately a person at a later date. There are so many other physical options that are more effective without the idea of using our brute force on others…pushup, sit-ups, calisthenics, yoga, meditation, running, rowing, etc..

Learning to release the anger by being aware of where we are feeling it, and then taking a breath and releasing into a relaxed state may work for many individuals with practice.

With some practice,those feelings of anger that come on us can be calmed down and we can find healthy solutions that are safe and fair to all involved.  As an adult we can use 3 questions that will work us through the situation and we can use the same questions to coach our children learn to deal with the anger that they are feeling.

1. What is making me feel angry?
2. How can I calm down?
3. What can I do about this problem?

Those 3 questions preceded with a few calming deep breaths will help us to think through problems and seek solutions.  We can use them with our children too and doing so will build in them the understanding that they are response – able for their actions and responses to emotions.

When we talked about self control last month we used the S.T.E.P. method, Stop, Think, Evaluate and Proceed. So when we look at the subject of anger we will first stop and look at what makes us angry and where we feel it, along with how we see others show their anger. Then we will think about how to manage our anger in a safe and appropriate manner. The next step would be to evaluate what is happening and what are some solutions that would help us manage our anger. Finally we would proceed and check in to see if what we did worked and what we learned for next time.

This month we are going to work on some calming strategies with our students too. Here is a note of caution though. We will practice relaxing and breathing techniques to release anger. The practice of these is just that, a practice. The more we practice breathing techniques when we are not at a very high emotional state, the better they will work when things are in a high emotional state. We cannot expect to take 3 deep breaths only when we are angry and expect that we are going to get great results the first time.

When we get to that part of our work this month, remember to take some time each day to sit, watch your breath for a few minutes, with or without some soft music and make this a practice. I look forward to sharing with everyone some thoughts on anger management this month.

Each month we discuss a life skill with all of our students.  This month the word is Anger Management and will be defined in the following ways for our students.

Young students:  ”I can calm myself down when I get angry!”

Older students: Recognizing & responding to anger in a healthy, appropriate way

Each age group has a worksheet that parents can use to continue the discussion at home with their children, and one for adults to allow them to think more deeply about the life skill and how it applies to them.  Would you like to receive the worksheet?  Just send us an email and tell us the age of your child you would like to share this with.  We will email it and you can follow our discussions here on our website.

If you would like to become a member of Balanced Life Skills, come a TRY A CLASS FREE.  We are not your typical martial arts school.  Balanced Life Skills works with school aged children to build their character, confidence and contribution to others.  We teach the arts of physical fitness, self defense and creativity while also encouraging community engagement and service.