Blog | - Part 66

November 13, 2013

How Others See You May Trigger Emotional Reactions

The way we see ourselves and the way others perceive us are usually not the same and many times are very far apart. We discussed the 6 different identities that take place in a conversation in our last post. Many times we are unaware of how our behavior appears or is experienced. For instance if we are a much taller or bigger person than those we are interacting with, just because of size we may come off as intimidating.

There may be other reasons others may feel intimidated including our voice, body language or facial expressions. It may be the quickness that we speak or the critical nature of our speech. We may be prone to outbursts or sarcasm that in our mind are acceptable, but to others is seen as abrasive and put-downs. Our words or actions may be triggering in others reactions that may trigger a reaction in ourselves. This spiral of emotional triggers can very easily get out of control.

While we may have many positive character traits, we will never know how others perceive us unless we ask and are open to how others perceive us. This step of becoming aware of our effect on others will help us decide if we need to adjust our reactions and find ways to respond that are not aggressive or intimidating. – need to be aware of the intimidation factor that comes with the position we hold so that our expressions are not seen as intimidating others.

Using empathy we can ask ourselves, “If I was being spoken to at this time in this manner would I feel safe or unsafe.” Answering very honestly will give us feedback in how we would like to proceed.

November 11, 2013

Learning Conflict Resolution Begins With Listening

In conflict resolution the ability to express ourselves without blaming or accusing another person of something is the first part of being able to more quickly come to a resolution. The second part is to be able to listen closely. In any conversation that requires clear communication, being able to express ourselves and listen to the expression of others. This can be difficult because really there are 6 different identities involved.

Person A the real self
Person B the real self
Person A – the way they see themselves
Person B – the way they see themselves
Person A – the way they see Person B
Person B – the way they see Person A

The most important of these 6 selves is how you are seen by the other person. If we are to come to a resolution of any conflict, we must first be able to listen to the other party and understand what they see in us, how they are hearing our messages.In regard to impact the words we say are not as important as other factors. This is how it breaks down:

Only 7-10% of what is heard by the other person is the actual content of what we are saying.
33-40% is the impact of our voice, how fast we are talking, the tone of our voice, the pitch and the inflection of our voice.
50-60 % of what is heard is done with non-verbals, facial expressions, gestures and other body language.

It is easy to see why we may feel that we are not understood. The two most important factors when we are listening or speaking is the way the other person perceives us by our verbal and non verbal impact.

November 8, 2013

Learning About Taking Care of Our Teeth

I was shocked to learn that tooth decay is not as dangerous as the acidic drinks and toothpaste we are using.

On Thursday morning at the South Anne Arundel Rotary Club we had a speaker from Wooddell & Passaro Dental Group. Now normally this would not be something that I would worry too much about, but this presentation opened my eyes to a danger both to adults and to kids that I believe all of us need to be aware of. I learned:

Sports drinks are worse for your teeth even that soft drinks
Acid reflux can increase the amount of enamel decay, cupping and yellowing of teeth
Dry mouth symptoms does not allow the saliva to do its job in protecting the teeth

Unfortunately our children are drinking more sports drinks than ever before and this not only is affecting their teeth but is also associated with poor bone health, diabetes and obesity. It is also easy to misdiagnose what is happening to your teeth and increasing the amount of brushing with highly abrasive tooth paste is contributing to the problem with disintegrating of teeth in children and adults.

What can you do? Get educated on the subject and the products that we use to clean our teeth and the foods that we consume.

Limit the acidic drinks
Use a straw when drinking acidic drinks
Never drink acidic drinks when a dry mouth is present
Drink water to rehydrate
Wait one hour after drinking an acidic drink prior to brushing your teeth.

Would you like to learn more? I learned this information from the Wooddell & Passaro dentist practice in Davidsonville MD. If you would like to hear them speak on this subject, let me know and we will look into doing one of our Parent Workshop’s at Balanced Life Skills on this subject. Both Joe and James were great presenters and I know everyone would benefit from their knowledge.

4C_DrinksDestroyTeeth_2013

November 6, 2013

Should We Keep This Friendship Or Back Away?

Friendship is one of the most precious gifts that we can give or receive from another. But for the friendship to thrive it must be of value to both parties. In fact if the friendship becomes one-sided – if you are the one that is reaching out or being asked to always do for the other – it may be a sign that the friendship does not have an appropriate give and take. This sort of demand of one party over the other may be an indication that there is an imbalance in the relationship.

For adults we may begin to tire of the giving or we may just feel calmer or happier when we are not around the other person who is always taking from us. If we are a child, we may notice that the other person is demanding all of our time and attention. They may want to play their games only or they may not share very well.

When this happens it may be time to broaden our scope of relationships and look to find those that treat us with respect, are honest and are there for us when we need them. This does not mean that we need to have some kind of big talk with the other person, whether we are an adult or a child. It may mean that we just need to back away a little and take a little break.

There may be times though that we will want to have a talk about the relationship. If this is the case, remembering to be honest and assertive with respect, but not critical, is key to having this kind of conversation. In dealing with kid’s relationships we want to remember that just because we enjoy the company of the parents, does not mean that our kids are going to be or have to be friends. Keeping our adult relationships adult and our kids friends their friends is much healthier for our kids than trying to force them to be friends with someone they do not like or have little in common with, except their parents that like each other.

November 4, 2013

Conflict Resolution: 6 Steps to Cool Heads

We call it “The Balanced Life Skills Way”. It is really teaching our young people great character skills. One example is when we teach our students how to apologize, we ask them to say, “I am sorry.” Each word said clearly and separately with the emphasis on the word that means the most to you in the context that it is in. Not just quickly saying “sorry”, without thinking about what you are saying.

On November 11 and the 14th we will have a 30 minute class for parents on the Balanced Life Skills Way of “Conflict Resolution”. These 6 steps will help to cool heads down and give parents something to go back to and help their children work out their conflicts in a peaceful way. The class will be from 5:30 to 6 PM on Monday and Thursday. Everyone is invited. Soon this course, in more detail will be on line.

At the end of the 30 minutes each person attending will receive a take home sheet that they can hang up to remind their children about the Balanced Life Skills Way of resolving differences.

November 1, 2013

What To Do With All That Candy in Annapolis, MD

Halloween is complete and all of our youngsters came home with more sugar filled treats in their bag than is good for them. Before you as a parent allow them to eat our normal “just one per day rule” – consider this about their health:

High sugar intake causes blood sugar imbalances that lead to Type 2 diabetes.
High sugar intake can lead to tooth decay, headaches & migraines, hypoglycemia and kidney damage
High sugar leads to obesity. The body converts sugar to fat!
Sugar is linked to immune system suppression and contributes to other diseases, like heart disease and cancer.

Helpful tips:

Sugar has many names including: sugar, cane sugar, cane syrup, corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, fructose, maltose, dextrose, rice syrup, agave, molasses, steevia, splenda
Try not to exceed 100 calories a day of added sugar
Try not to consume a food or drink with over 10g of sugar per serving
Drink water instead of soft drinks and juices
Check the label for sugar content per serving

If you have just way too much candy from the night of celebration, we invite you to donate the extra to our drive for Operation Gratitude. Balanced Life Skills will collect candy until December 2 and will be sending care packages to U.S. Military around the world. In fact our own Ms. Ariel has a brother who is serving abroad and will receive a package.