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The Three Skills of Cooperation

As a parent one of the most important virtues we want to see in our children is cooperation.  We would like to have cooperation when we ask them to do a task, to get ready, playing with their siblings and when we need something done.  But cooperation is a leadership quality.

 

I doubt there is anyone that would assert that they got to their position all by themselves. Someone was there to help them, together with others we were able to accomplish a goal or dream that we had. Learning cooperation as a way of moving forward ourselves or others, is coupled with other skills like compromise, motivating and valuing others.

 

Whether we are children or adults, we are far more motivated to be helpful if we feel like we are appreciated and valued for our contribution. We can teach our children that lesson by including them in our experiences and tasks that we take part. It may be easier to “do it yourself”, but the experiences and the sweet taste of completion occur when we can share with others in a cooperative manner.

 

We can encourage cooperation in our children by sharing with them in the work and the rewards that come from working together to get the job done. It gives us the opportunity to point out their cooperation, motivate them to continue and appreciate them for the value they bring to the family. We are helping them draw out of themselves the valuable virtue of cooperation.

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Practicing cooperation in life

Cooperation is about working together to get things done. As is the case with all of our virtues our practice at home prepares us for school, job and community service. Cooperation requires practicing other virtues like respect, helpfulness, and trust.

 

In our family we show we are practicing cooperation by helping with the jobs that benefit the entire family. If we are young, we may help set the table or clear the dishes at the end of a meal. We will pick up our toys and put them away. Cooperation is also doing things that help someone who is still learning. An older child may help a younger child tie shoes, read a book or play while the adults are working on another project.

 

In school, we have a team there too, all our classmates and teachers. We practice cooperation by showing respect for the rules of the school, handing out papers for the teacher and helping to clean up after an activity. Students cooperate while doing a project by listening to the ideas of others and participating in group discussions.

 

In our community we practice cooperation by joining other people to support a cause, clean up the beach or working on community activities. We cooperate with others to make any place safe and happy.
When we practice cooperation, we do not have to do everything ourselves. We trust that it is ok to help others complete their tasks and to ask for help when we need it.  Cooperating shows the strength of character and builds strong teams.

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Gifts of Character: Cooperation – The Definition

Each month we will discuss one gift of character with all of our students. This month the word is Cooperation. This life skill will be defined in the following ways for our students.

Young students: Cooperation means: Let’s work together!

Older students: Cooperation means: Working together towards a common goal

We are not your typical after school activity, in fact, we are an education center, working with students on physical self-defense skills while empowering families to bring out the best in our children and ourselves – through the martial arts. We believe every child has 52 gifts in them already. They only need to be taught how to grow and use them in their life. Balanced Life Skills serves parents, teachers and students to reach that goal.

If you would like to see Joe Van Deuren and Balanced Life Skills at work, TRY CLASSES FOR FREE for 2 weeks.

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Three questions to ask to develop patience

There is the question of how to develop patience.  Most parents wish they had more of it and certainly want their children to be patient. The development of all virtues begins with awareness. This week I asked students if they showed more patience what parents would think.  All of them agreed that they would believe they were growing up and showing maturity.

 

I would agree with that assessment. But it worries me that so many of us adults lose our patience. Does that mean that we are less mature?  We would be quick to say NO to that question, but what is it a sign of if we are not able to show that kind of self-discipline?

 

I think that the lack of patience and control of our emotions boils down to selfishness. Any selfishness begins with our personal needs.  We expect young children to show a lack of patience with tantrums and crying. Their world is very much about them.  But as we grow up we recognize that others have needs also, and our empathy and compassion allow us to be patient with them.

Just asking ourselves a couple of questions may help us to role model patience for our children.

  • What are the results that I would like to see from this situation?
  • Five years from now will this situation still be important to me? Will it matter?
  • I wonder what the other person is feeling right now?

We have all heard the suggestion to take a few deep breaths before we respond.  The real point is to pause, take the breath (as that get more oxygen to the brain so we can think more clearly) and ask yourself an appropriate question. Doing so will help us be more patient with our children or help teach our children the sought after virtue of patience.

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Appreciating the patience of others

Who has shown you patience in your life?  I think about those that have been patient with me, and some of the first ones that come to mind are the teachers that I have had. All through school all of us have had teachers that connected with us and helped us beyond the typical school day. They may have been math or English teacher, or they may have been coaches and instructors that helped us learn a new skill.

 

Our most outstanding teachers in our life are our parents, and they have demonstrated the most patience with us over the years. For all the time since we have been born they have patiently helped us learn to walk, use utensils, play games, dress and the list goes on and on.  Can you imagine if when you were just a year old and tried to learn to walk if your parents did not have patience with you?  Could you imagine them screaming at you, “WHY CAN’T YOU GET THIS?  KEEP THIS UP AND YOU WILL NEVER WALK!”  Of course not.  They patiently guided us, helped us, encouraged us and then we learned.

 

We accepted their help, appreciated their patience (even though we did not know it was patience at that time) and then we were proud of our new found abilities and promptly had them chasing us all over the house and playground. Take a minute now and think of all of the other times that others have been patient with us. Are we still accepting it with appreciation or do we take it for granted?

 

Expressing our gratitude for the patience of others will be amazing to them too. As an instructor, I would feel so good about a student who sincerely thanked me for my time and efforts, especially if they said they appreciated my patience.
 
One more way of showing our appreciation for the patience of others is to do our part and practice the skill or the instructions we have learned.  If we do not practice what our parents, teachers, instructors or coaches have suggested, we are degrading any words of gratitude we may have spoken.

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Impatience – Selfish or Unhappiness?

The practice of patience asks us to be able to wait for our turn. It may be in school if we are a child, in line at the store or at a traffic light if we are an adult. When we are finding it hard to wait, all kind of thoughts goes through our mind. We wonder, sometimes out loud, why it is taking so long. We get restless and fidget. Words of disdain may come out of our mouths that we wish we could take back. Why does this happen?

Think for a minute about impatience. When a person is not patient, they are not able to tolerate anything that gets in their way of getting what they want – when they want it. It may be a chance to get food, win a game, get where they are going. The only person they are thinking about is themselves. They are not considering what the other people may need or what they are experiencing. In other words, they are selfish.

I have found though that it is not always about selfishness. Impatience may be born out of a dislike of something regarding ourselves. We may not be happy with who we are as a person. Consider for a minute that we are very goal oriented, constantly in a rush to reach a goal or finish something we envisioned. Are we enjoying the present moment and the journey? If not, we may believe that achieving the goal is what is going to bring us happiness. Is our happiness based on completing a task, project, fulfilling a vision? Or are we covering up a fear of not being seen as good enough by others? Therefore, we push – even others out of the way to reach our happiness. Once we get there are we happy or do we go through the cycle again?

Patience is about being in this moment. We can be goal oriented and have a vision. But our vision and goals should never be put up as more important than the people and relationships we have around us.