We all know that when we play a game that it is more fun and fair when everyone follows the rules, without having to be reminded and told to do so. But when the game is over how we react to the winning or losing of the game also has an affect on us and those that we played with.
Even though losing is never fun and winning does make us feel good there are ways of handling this that are fair to other and demonstrate good sportsmanship. But first we need to get past the question about is it fair if someone wins or loses. In todays world of children, there are parents and teachers that believe that it will hurt the self esteem of the child if they lose in a game or competition and so they have all sorts of ways of no one having lost, including not playing games that there are obvious winners.
Well the fact is that if we play a game and everyone plays by the rules – then it is fair if someone wins and others do not win. The question that needs to be addressed is how do we react? We can teach our children that it is great to desire to win – that is healthy. In fact for me to want to be the best is healthy. What is not healthy is when we get down on ourselves, when we decide that we are not good enough or when we cry, pout, throw a tantrum because we did not win. Thats not fair to others and especially to those that did better on that particular day and time. And it is not heathy for us, because those types of feelings and reactions do not allow us to go back to work on our game.
These questions are so important for everyone to discuss with their children and think about themselves before we face that situation. We are not going to win all of the time / nor are we going to lose all of the time, even if it feels that way when we do. So what is an appropriate reaction?
What is fairness?
Fairness is something that we talk about throughout our lives. When we are young it is about someone taking a toy or doesn’t let us play or not getting the same size piece of cake. When we get older it may be about tests, sports, chores and privileges at home. With us adults we talk about fairness too. Unfortunately many times when it does not seem ‘fair’ it ends up in court.
What does fairness mean to you? When is it fair for everyone to get the do the same amount?
Is there ever a time when individuals get a different amount?
What would happen if we treated everyone the same no matter what? What would that look like and is it fair?
I will discuss what it means to be fair and unfair later this week here, as we discuss it with all of our students in their classes.
Fairness
Young students
Fairness means: “We play by the rules, show we care, do our part and get our share.
Older students, teens, adults:
Fairness means: Treating others according to what’s deserved, appropriate, and needed.
Mattie Stepanek
Today I wrote a brief biography on a peacemaker, Mattie Stepanek. I love his thoughts and poetry. In my web site ‘Learn Peace‘ he is listed with the likes of Ghandi, Thich Nhat Hahn, and others. His simple wisdom allows us to pause and consider if we too can be a ‘peacemaker’.
Our responsibility
From the time I first started training in the martial arts and could see the impact it could have on a persons life, I realized that I had a responsibility to be my best and then to share this ‘art’ with others. The responsibility was not just to teach the physical side of the martial arts, but really to show the benefits of practicing everything you need on the floor training, everywhere else you go in the world.
What is that responsibility? The responsibility is to be a role model to both parents and children. One teacher recently called me a life coach for the kids. That is a lot of responsibility. But really is that not what all adults are or can be? Are we not life coaches to our own kids first and then do we not have a responsibility to the next generation as a whole?
I believe that we should inspire them to do their best, to cheer them on, to find the good in them, to do what is best for them – even if it is not popular with them at first. Oh the first and best way to do that is to practice it ourselves. Give our best, Cheer ourselves on and find the good in ourselves and celebrate it, Correct what we need to correct in ourselves and do what is the right and best thing for ourselves even if it is not convenient or popular with ourselves. Our kids will learn from us by the example better than what we say with our words.
Learning to make a ‘peace crane’
I have never done origami before and so our event on November 15 when we will do an act of peace and create the peace cranes is brand new to me. in this post I will tell you that I started practicing this art just two nights ago and after about my 4th crane, they were starting to look like cranes and not to bad, though I still needed some assistance on the head and opening the wings.
Later this morning I will put a photo up of my best one so far, but I also encourage you to start creating some on your own. Here is a link on how to create a crane. If you need paper ask me and I will give you some or you can stop by Michael’s and get some paper to practice with. More on the significance of the peace crane in a post later this week.