When we volunteer our time to a cause or to helping an organization fulfill their mission we receive a great feeling of contributing. Contribution is one of six ‘needs’ that every human has within them and if this need is not filled then we cannot feel the best about ourselves. For some individuals this is stronger than for others, but everyone once other needs are filled, want to be able to contribute to others.
Where does this begin? It is my belief that contribution of our time should begin at home with our family, and be started early in life. Our family is our “most important team” we can contribute to. Learning to volunteer our time to support the “team” by doing our part, helping others, or supporting the good of the family is how we learn to do so for others.
While some may find themselves doing for others in order to feel significant in the community, first and foremost should be our family. As the lead volunteers in the family, parents who do everything without pay, can include the children – not to do chores – but rather to “be on the team”.
How can we demonstrate good teamwork at home? What can we do to help our parents or spouse save some of their time – so we the team can be together for other activities? Teamwork (not chores) volunteering (not a job) giving our time (practicing charity) are developed when we are aware, have compassion and respect for our teammates. Using these words changes the feeling and meaning of our practices at home.
All parents and teachers must believe that the work they are doing with their children and students will create the qualities that we value the most. You might ask yourself, “What qualities do I value the most in my own life and how am I teaching my children these values?” In my own experience I believe that we will never change the personality of our children but our mission as parents and teachers is to pass on to our children values, morals and ethics.
At Balanced Life Skills we value compassion, awareness and respect. I believe that if we can become aware of our affect on situations and others, if we are mindful of our affect we can then demonstrate compassion and respect. As we follow through on these, we will be building peace, in ourselves, our community and the world.
Learning to listen, actively listen, is one of the cornerstones to building awareness, compassion and respect. Teaching good listening skills begins with us modeling active listening skills. Here are a few tips in good listening:
If you’re a teacher with a large class of students you may want to have a sign that indicates that you need their attention, along with the words “Please look at me” or something similar. Teach your students if they are addressing the class, to use the same words and signs to gain the classes attention. This empowers the student speaking and the feelings of respect are being developed.
In the coming weeks look for our curriculum on Listening Skills as a part of the Balanced Life Skills Way for all of our students.
Understanding that giving to others does not always have to be about giving money or “treasures”, but can be about giving of our talents can be very rewarding. This week I talked to our students about what they were good at that might be of value to another person. They had all sorts of ideas and they literally saw themselves being good at many different things, though most of them were physical activities (swimming, bike riding, monkey bars soccer). Soon though they began to realize that they also were good at drawing, singing, coloring, cooking, even teaching.
The next question is how can we use those talents to help others?Could they perform and entertain either to make money to be donated, or just to cheer someone else up? How could they use their love for animals to actually help those animals that had lost their home? What could they do a piece of art work for, how could it be used to make someone feel better?
Having discussions like this with our children begins to develop in them the desire to help others, to take the lead in charity events and find ways of giving back. Teaching our children that doing this sort of work demonstrates that we see the value in everyone of our fellow humans, despite the circumstances they find themselves in at this time.
Charity & Compassion – Charity is about giving to those in need without expecting anything in return. When we see a situation that is difficult, compassion calls on us, tugs at our heart and looks for ways to help. It may not always be another person. We can have compassion for animals, situations, the environment or an emergency. Our compassion may be based on fairness or justice or it may be a recognition of our inter – dependance that we have with each other when we feel the suffering of another. Developing compassion is related to empathy and having an understanding of what another may be going through.
Charity & Awareness – Charity like many other parts of our life begins with Awareness. If we are not aware of a difficult situation we will never be moved to act with compassion. As an example we may not be aware of the hunger going on in the world, or of the cruelty to animals that might be taking place or the violence against women in certain cultures. Until we are aware and especially if we are aware on a personal level – like we have seen it with our own eyes or held the children in an orphanage, it is difficult to be compassionate and charitable.
Charity & Respect – Charity is about respect for life and the environment. Being able to get rid of our egos, to be able to treat others the way we would want to be treated and the way they would like to be treated. Respect is not condescending nor does it allow for an attitude of superiority when we are giving.
Charity, our ability and actions of giving to those who are in need, begins at home with our own parents and siblings first, with an awareness of their needs, compassion for their feelings and respect for their rights. It is the Balanced Life Skills Way.
The playing of video games have long been a concern of many parents. For some the concerns have been about encouraging violence, physical health, the addictiveness and time spent on the little screen, depressive behaviors. There are many other concerns that we will discuss at other times dealing with stereotyping too that do not get the attention they deserve.
But here is a new concern that I have not read about previously but is backed up with a study that makes a lot of sense. The playing of fast paced video games can “reduce the ability of the person to inhibit impulsive behavior.”
If you have ever tried to play some of these games, you will find that it requires a great deal of hand / eye coordination. Very quick decisions also need to be made and in fact they are being made without “thought” – you just do. This fast paced process does increase the players visual skills, but there is a downside.
The fast pace processing is training the brain to behave without thinking just doing “automatically” with impulsive reactions being quick and automatic. The implications are far reaching including ADD, ADHD and impulsive aggression of all kinds. In future posts I will show other examples of how our behavior is trained by what we surround ourselves with.
Anger management and education is self defense, protecting ourselves and our relationships from damage. To read more on these studies here are two resources:
http://www.spsp.org/?PressRelease_2Aug13
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/08/130804081115.htm
