Joe Van Deuren |

March 22, 2014

The JNP Project – children finding “Inner Awesome”

For the past year I have been working on an advisory board with a project called “The JNP Project”. This project is a movement promoting the understanding and education of self confidence, self esteem and character building for children. It will be done interactively with books, web resources, and more. There are lesson resources for parents and teachers and they align with Common Core State Standards for Grades 1-4.

While I have been involved for the last year, there are also many people who have been involved across the world – all of whom have a passion for helping parents and teachers help children to find their “Inner Awesome”. The project is in its infancy and not born yet – but our goal is to have it ready for everyone in June. Having an inside track though, I would like to share where we are with the project at this time with you. So here is the link to the site and please stay tune: http://thejnpproject.com/

This project ties so closely to everything that we are working on at Balanced Life Skills with all of our students. I look forward to sharing more with everyone as we progress with the JNP Project. Thank you Dona Rudderow Sturn for inviting me to be a part of your vision and a big thank you to all of those individuals around the world who share this vision for the children of the world.

March 21, 2014

Fixing a mistake with one question and optimism

Let us look at the Balanced Life Skills way of dealing with a mistake that we have made. Everyone makes mistakes. Unfortunately both adults and children find it very hard to look at making a mistake in an optimistic point of view. We are worried about how we will look, what others will think about us or how much trouble we are going to get into. Being accountable for our mistakes, recognizing the contribution we have made to the situation shows that we believe we can learn from mistakes and that in the end everything will work out for the best.

Step one is admitting to our mistake. Not blaming others, making excuses, being accountable.
Step two is apologizing. “I am sorry.” Three separate words emphasized in the manner that we mean them and not shortened to a quick “sorry” with the inflection in our voice that makes everyone involved question our sincerity.
Step three is ‘fix it’. Did you spill your drink? – clean it up. Did you lose a friends toy? – replace it.

In our discussions in class though we asked the students how would you ‘fix it” if you did something like yell at your sibling or worse yet at your parents. They were stymied. You can’t fix that, they said.

You can fix it but there is only one way of fixing this kind of mistake. Go through steps one and two, then ask yourself – what must I do to be sure this does not happen again? We all agreed that if we simply say ‘sorry’ and yet we continue to do the same thing over and over again, that no one believes that our apology is very real. Admitting we did something wrong requires that we look deeply at how we can make the changes necessary to be sure that we control our anger, impulses, body and not make that kind of mistake over and over again.

In this way our optimism is well based in our belief that everything will work out for the best.

March 20, 2014

Optimistic People Tell The Truth

Optimism believes that everything will work out for the best. (it usually does!) — The truth NEVER gets you in trouble. Your actions bring consequences.

Everyone makes mistakes, either physically, verbally, emotionally, or mentally. When we make a mistake, do we deal with it from an optimistic or pessimistic point of view? The optimistic viewpoint would be, “believing and expecting that everything will work out for the best.” If we are pessimistic we might be thinking, “if I admit to this mistake it will ruin everything. We may be worried about getting into trouble, being embarrassed or our reputation ruined. It could be that when we make a mistake we are afraid of our friends and family being angry with us or that they won’t like us anymore.

When someone starts thinking pessimistically when they make a mistake, they may resort to blaming others, denying having made the mistake or even knowing anything about it. They may make up excuses / reasons for the “real reason this happened”.

Ask yourself though – When was the last time you got in trouble for telling the truth? The answer is NEVER. No one gets in trouble for telling the truth. We only get in deeper when we choose to be pessimistic and believe our life is over if we get caught in our mistake and resort to lying or stretching the truth. That is not to say that we will not have to deal with the consequences. But that is natural and only correct. if we spill the milk – the consequence is that we are responsible for cleaning it up. If we talk about someone behind their back, we must deal with the repercussions – but there are no repercussions for telling the truth.

When we make a mistake we need to first admit it (“I made a mistake.”), then apologize (“I am sorry.”), and then fix it. When we handle mistakes in this manner we are showing that we are optimistic and hopeful that everything will work out for the best, and it usually does!

March 17, 2014

The Will and Way of Optimism

Optimism gives us the willingness to proceed, to step forward, to keep going – even when things do not look like they are going our way. We are not able to control what others say or do, but we can control our own thoughts and beliefs. So when things are not going well we may want to ask ourselves – how did I contribute to this challenge and what can I do different to change my results? Very seldom do we see a challenge that we did not contribute in some manner to the position we find ourselves in.

The danger zone here is – in blaming ourselves for parts of the challenge we had nothing to do with. This calls for us to be real – not making the problem or issue bigger than it really is, nor ignoring the facts as they really are. We have to be truthful with ourselves. Sometimes we need an outside voice to help us to see what is real, but with practice we will get there ourselves.

Once we understand the reality, then we can apply our perseverance to the situation by making decisions to continue on or to change course, but finding a way to overcome the obstacles that are preventing us from reaching our goals. Having optimism is usually created with a belief we have that we can overcome this situation. This is a belief in ourselves, our values and our mission.

March 7, 2014

Understanding Optimism For Our Children

How does your child cope when things do not go their way? Is there the pouting and moping around kind of attitude? Is there a pervasive, “I never win.”, I’m so unlucky”, Nothing ever goes my way.” kind of attitude?

Those who think this way, who believe the that life is destined to be bad forever, that bad things are going to keep happening – are showing pessimism. Why am I so concerned about this? Studies show that children who begin their life with this kind of attitude or who are surrounded by those who think in these catastrophic ways, are more inclined to dealing with depression in their teens, continuing into their adult life.

What everyone of us needs is not another excuse about why things did not go our way – but rather “hope” – hope that things will get better. We need a belief that there is a bright side. We need, in a positive way to look at our goals and pick ourselves up and dust off and then go after our goal with the attitude of determination. That is optimism.

On Wednesday March 12 at Balanced Life Skills we will have a 30 minute presentation on the “A,B,C’s of Optimism”. Optimism is one of the my 4 key needs everyone of us must have to build resilience from the adversity we meet in our everyday life.

March 3, 2014

Life Skills: Optimism – The Definition

Each month we will discuss a life skill with all of our students. This month the word is Optimism. This word will be defined in the following ways for our students.

Young students: Optimism means: “I look on the bright side!”

Older students: Optimism means: Believing and expecting everything will work out for the best

Each age group has a worksheet that parents can use to continue the discussion at home with their children, and one for adults to allow them to think more deeply about the skill and how it applies to them. Would you like to receive the worksheet? Stop by our studio at 133 Gibralter Avenue in Annapolis, MD and tell us the age of your child. We will give you a worksheet and invite you to watch Mr. Joe discuss the word with the students in class. You can also follow our discussions here on this website.

If you would like to become a member of Balanced Life Skills, come TRY CLASSES FOR FREE. We are not your typical martial arts school, in fact we are an education center, working with our students on physical skills along with empowering families with compassion, awareness and respect – creating a culture of peace. We believe in every child and build their self – confidence. Balanced Life Skills takes part in community service and encourages each student to do the same.

Come in and talk to the parents that are here and watch the class for the age group you are interested in. Learn about the Balanced Life Skills Way.