Avoiding retaliation with courage

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There will be situations that come up in our life that require courage and we may not be in a good frame of mind to make that decision. What would happen if someone said something to us that was rude or mean? For many, our first reaction is to retaliate – to say something back. We might try to out-do their meanness or it may be sarcastic. Our choice may lead to consequences that we did not expect or desire.

mark-twain-courageIn order to make the best choice in our response we need to first find our calm self. Everyone has a different way of calming down. Some are able to take a few deep breaths, others need to step away to collect themselves, and others may want to talk to someone (like a trusted adult). If we can calm down though, then our trained mind will allow us to find and use our courage to make the somewhat difficult decision not to fight back. We will find a way of answering the person in an assertive manner that demonstrates our purposefulness to be peaceful.

Is this hard? YES! It takes a great deal of courage to not retaliate. To be the bigger person we can use all of our tools for dealing with stressful situations and that will help us be courageous in the face of challenges.

Develop Courage in Children to Attempt New Activities

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It takes courage to try something that is new for us.  Even if we have seen others perform the task previously, the “Evidence that Appears as Reality” to us is so real that we may find ourselves convinced that we do not want to attempt or learn.

As a young person, what seems so simple to adults, like learning to ride a bike, swim, roller coaster, go to a circus (clowns) can present tough tasks for the younger ones.   Even walking into a new classroom or tasting a new food for the first time may be incomprehensible for some.

The only way we will know how we really feel about an activity, food, or situation is if we try it.  Everything we do at this moment was new for us at one time.  Using our courage, facing our fears, looking at challenges with the attitude of being brave, will help us grow our our “comfort zone”.

As a parent our encouragement for this kind of bravery is part of the key to growing courage in our children.  Not over protecting or reacting in catastrophic manner will help to keep a child calm also.   In all of this, one of the biggest fears that some children and adults have about new activities is that someone will laugh at them.  When working with our child – be very careful about sarcasm, jokes etc… when they are attempting new activities.
 

Can you ask your child to work on doing one new TOUGH task this week?  Share with them your experience with that task or one that is similar.  Then let them see how brave they are.  When the task is complete, honor them by saying to them, “I celebrate your courage when you practiced on the monkey bars today.  How was it for you?”

Black Belt Candidate Support Suicide Prevention

After completing the Endurance Day portion of their Black Belt Test, the candidates traveled to downtown Annapolis to support efforts to in suicide prevention.  The Annapolis Out of the Darkness Walk took place on Saturday September 12 and even in the rain – hundreds were there to support survivors and education on this subject.

Out of Darkness Walk 2015

Gifts of Character: Courage – The Definition

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Each month we will discuss one gift of character with all of our students. This month the word is Courage. This life skill will be defined in the following ways for our students.

Young students: Courage means: I am brave!

Older students: Courage is the willingness to face fears and challenges with determination.

Children only need to learn to grow and use their 52 Gifts of Character they have inside of them!

If you would like to see Joe Van Deuren and Balanced Life Skills at work, TRY CLASSES FOR FREE for 2 weeks.

Setting the example of courtesy in the home

BLS gift of character headerHave you noticed how individuals tone and inflections of voice change when they are in the presence of a person that they respect or are in awe of for reason of their power or position?  Yet those same individuals who can be so deferential , can also be harsh and discourteous to those that they feel more powerful than, or greater than in some manner.  This can be evident in the home.

Courtesy can easily be lost with the perception of power or feeling greater than another person.  If power does not get us, then some lose their ability to be courteous when they feel wronged or disrespected.   How impressed are we when we meet an individual who has fame, power, and notoriety and still maintains a spirit of courtesy?

I have known individuals who were well known and respected in their field and yet they took the time to remember the name of others and  would speak to them as an equal – no matter how young or what their position in life was.  Their courteous nature was an example to follow.

For some being courteous comes very naturally and others need to be reminded from time to time.  Practice courtesy at home with your children in little and big ways.  Being sure that as a parent we use the common words of please and thank you with the children and our partners.  Being willing to say that we are sorry when we hurt another person and taking responsibility for the action is a good example for everyone watching us and our practice for the outside world.

Our children learn from us, how we treat each other, them and even how we treat/talk about our parents – no matter their age.   Children learn by observing how we adults deal with, talk about and feel about employers or employees, teachers and government officials.  Our courtesy balanced with assertiveness, tact and friendliness will set an example for our children.

Balanced Life Skills is bringing out the best in our children and ourselves. 

Does bias get in the way of courtesy?

BLS gift of character headerRecently I saw a question raised that asked, when we meet new people if we are able to show courtesy and understanding or are those virtues compromised due to prejudice and biases?  Are we able to keep an open mind and see people for who they are?

For many the quick answer is an emphatic I AM OPEN-MINDED.  I AM NOT BIASED.  While the idea of no bias is a worthy goal – if we reflect deeply on ourselves, we most likely see beliefs/opinions come up that we assign to ‘groups’ of people.  It is these beliefs/opinions that close our mind to seeing people as they really are.  These same beliefs/opinions are the ones that shape how we respond to them;  including our level of respect, kindness or courtesy.

Belief/Opinions are formed and passed on by others whom are similar to ourselves or from individuals we have been hanging out with.  An interesting quote that really raised my awareness about this kind of thinking:

“Opinion is really the lowest form of human knowledge.  It requires no accountability, no understanding. The highest form of knowledge is empathy, for it requires us to suspend our egos and live in another’s world.  It requires profound purpose larger than the self kind of understanding.”   Bill Bullard – Educator

The easiest way of really knowing someone and overcoming our bias and judgment is by overcoming our own fear and simply getting to know them.  We can get to know them by sharing time in reaching common goals, working with a variety of individuals to complete a service project or deep listening to their story.  As we listen to their story we will see their individuality and similarities;  their joys and fears, desires and hopes are ours.

Put in the most simple terms: All people want to be safe, healthy, successful and happy; both for ourselves and our children.

What we value as humans is the same, though sometimes expressed in different manners.  Seeing how others value life will help us to appreciate everyone that we meet and keep life very interesting.