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Dependability: when we make a mistake

Recently I read a book about success.  The very first or second thing in the book was the question, Do you take responsibility for your life?  I thought this was interesting from the point of view that we hear individuals young and old who want to push off that responsibility from themselves onto anything else.  Then there is the thought that there is no in-between.  You either take responsibility all of the time or you don’t. 

When we take that responsibility is when we can begin to have success in life, because we recognize that the results we have achieved, good or bad, are the results of the choices we have made.

The same is true with the question of dependability.  Dependable individuals make mistakes.  But when they do they do 3 things.

  1. Apologize
  2. Take responsibility
  3. Make it right

 With the world filled with individuals who are quick to say, “It’s not my fault”, “It’s not my job”, “I forgot”, and every other excuse in the world, it is great to be around people who take the responsibility and in lieu of trying to lay blame, look for ways to solve problems or take on challenges that need attention.

That is what dependability is about. Being honest with ourselves and others, being dependable even when it is not comfortable, not making excuses or laying blame, is the way we act as leaders and we gain the trust of those around us.
 

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Setting priorities keeps us dependable

We have talked before about all of the things that we have to do and of course there are all of the thing that we want to do.  I am 55 years old and I still like to do the ‘want to do’s’ before the things that have real priority in my life.  

When we look at priority items they are generally things that affect other people, many times those who are the closest to us.  As a young person though it was easy for me to think that it did not matter, or that I just did not want to do this or that now and could see  no reason to do so.  How do we help our students think beyond that thought?

First: Help them to list all of the things that are on their plate.  School work, work at home for the family, friends and of course their own fun things to do.  Then give each item a priority label.  You can use something as simple as High, Medium or Low – A, B, C or if they are young a color code.

Second:  Discuss how each item has an affect on other people when they complete them or choose not to complete them.  The higher the priority the more affect it has on others and them as individuals.  This is all about recognizing the perspective of dependability.  You may even discuss how your actions affect them personally.  

Third:  Give examples of those in your family or people in history who kept their word and demonstrated dependability.  Many times the story is better than the lecture or just your desire for them to act in a certain way.

Fourth:  One of the things you will hear me say over and over again is that “we do the right thing because it is the right thing to do”.  I so believe this that I do not believe in bribing a child to do the right thing or dependable thing.  While we can help them think through what the consequences might be for making a bad choice, do not bail them out from choosing to act in an undependable way.  

If they do not tell you about the science project the night before it is due allow them to suffer the consequences.  If they leave their bike out in the rain – let the natural consequence take place.   These are awesome teaching moments – even if it is hard for us as parents to see it happen to them.

One final story.  We have 4 children and have promised all of them to pay for 4 years of college (none of this 5 & 6 year plans) and 6 months of living expenses after they get out of college.  After that, they are on their own.  You can imagine how when the first one got to the 6 month period and wanted more support – it was hard to stick to our commitment.  And it was our only girl, that made it that much harder.  But in the end she figured it out – she got through it and is doing very well today.   This was not just a great lesson for her but for the 3 boys that followed.  Believe me they all knew that we were committed to our word.  We could be depended on both for the good and the “Oh that hurts”.  

In the end the best way to teach dependability is to demonstrate it – even when it is challenging to do so.

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Dependability: time management

Each one of us play out a number of roles in our daily life.  It does not matter if we are 5 years old or 55.  Think about it – if you are 5 years old you could be a sibling, student in school and one or two extracurricular activities, grandchild, friend, and you may have been asked to be responsible for something in your church or other social group.

If you are a teen and adult it just multiplies.  We have our roles at work, friendships, citizens, students, family and more.  Each one makes demands on us that we find ourselves making commitments to and promises.  At time we feel stressed because in trying to be ‘dependable’ we may feel stretched too thin and may even feel like we do not have enough free time for our selves.

If we are going to be dependable and keep our commitments we must first be balanced and moderate in the things we promise.  One of the things that always surprises me is how much time a task takes that I thought would take so much less time. 

So in fact it is about time management and priorities.  If we want to be a powerful leader we must only make promises that we are able to keep.  Here is a quick hint I received from something I read recently.

Write down what you need to accomplish the next day –  the night before.
Choose the 3 most important things that will have the largest impact on your business, life or family
Tackle the biggest and hardest one first thing in the morning and stay with it until it is complete.

You will feel great about it and be able to do the other items easier, knowing that big one is complete.   More on time management later.  If you are going to be dependable though, it is most important to know when and how to say no and not to overload yourself.  

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Tai Chi class begins Nov. 15th

Just want to introduce you to our newest program at Balanced Life Skills.  On Sunday mornings at 10 AM we will have a Tai Chi class.  If you ever wanted to look into this form of art, this is your chance. 

I encourage you come out and try your first class for FREE.   To see the instructor perform and find information about the class please go to our Tai Chi web page.  Tai Chi  

We look forward to seeing you on Sunday’s.   The first class will be held on November 15th at 10 AM

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AA County Schools compete in Sole for Souls challenge

Balanced Life Skills is sponsoring the visit of Brian Williams, the Sole Motivator for Sole4Souls, a non profit organization that has given away over 5.5 million pairs of shoes around the globe.  The following is the press release to our local media.  I have highlighted how you can help.

 

Annapolis, MD – November 4, 2009 – On November 9th, 5 local schools in Annapolis will host the Soles4Souls Think Kindness Program.  Soles4Souls, a Nashville based non-profit organization, is sending one of the nation’s top youth motivational speakers, Brian Williams to travel the country in search for the “kindest school”. Over 50 schools across the country have signed up for the Soles4Souls Kindness Challenge in hopes of receiving the first annual award.  

Students will be challenged to inspire their entire city to sponsor over 5,000 shoes for needy children throughout the United States and world. The Soles4Souls organization can distribute 2 pairs of brand new shoes for every $5.00 donation received.  

“We’ve set up a cutting edge website that allows each student to create a profile, send emails, post pictures, and allows for friends and family do donate $5.00 under their name. Individuals can also text message the letters AOK (acts of kindness) to 20222 and it will make a $5.00 donation on their phone bill.” Says Wayne Elsey, CEO of Soles4Souls 

Williams opens the challenge with an action packed martial arts speech with back flips and a brick breaking routine.  

“In martial arts I learned that kindness is the ultimate form of self-defense. Yet, when you do nice things for others, you open yourself up to be teased for doing the right thing. I tell students to have no fear and to be committed to being good people no matter what. Martial arts serves avenue to truly speak to the students,” says Williams. 

The entire school is given drop boxes, parent letters, Acts of Kindness Journals, morning announcement CD’s, and teacher packets with idea’s submitted by teachers from across the country.    

“If we can inspire every child in our local community to do kind things, then our world will truly be made a better place. We use shoes as the catalyst to teach the ever important life skill,” says Elsey.  

For more information about the program visit www.GiveShoes.org

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Dependability: keeping our word

Our word of the month is dependability.  All of us know that if we are dependable then we keep our word, we follow through on our promises.  In our day to day life we make promises to others all of the time.  In fact many times the promises just slide off our tongue very easily and before we have thought it out completely. 

Many times that happens most often with our friends and family.  Why is that so?  I believe that we take for granted that they, because of our relationship with them, will ‘forgive’ us if we do not keep our promise just the way we said it or at least they will be more understanding. 

Is that really fair to them though?  What is the long term effect if we make this a practice?  I know as a parent that when our children said they were going to do something and they did not follow through it was disappointing.  Then when we asked them to give their word again we would ask them again and again.  (that can be annoying for both the child and the parent)  If it is a really big issue, like what time will you be home or if your home work is complete, it could lead to losing privileges. 

We have talked about this many times too that we may also lose the trust of the other person.  If you are a child reading this – there is nothing that is worse than losing the trust of your mom and dad.  Do everything you can to maintain that trust.

One more part of this puzzle too.  When you do not keep a promise there is the feelings that you have about yourself.  Do you know that feeling I am talking about?  That guilting feeling?  The one that everytime you see the person you promised something too you just cringe.  That has a long term affect that I will talk about later.  But for now we can all work on keeping our word and doing so as quickly as we can after giving it to another person.