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open-mindedness: listening to new ideas

On the subject of open-mindedness we have raised the idea that listening to others is good for us as we hear new ideas and new ways of doing things.  If everyone was closed to new ideas think of the many inventions and other things that may have been delayed or never happened in our world.

Some are closed off though due to fear of change or they may just not want to be seen as having been wrong in the past.  Sometimes we just like to hear ourselves talk and we may even be trying to impress others with how much we know and so never get to hear the thoughts of others. 

There is a story in the martial arts world of a student who is visiting a master instructor who he really wants to impress with his own knowledge, thinking that this would bring special privileges as a student.  After listening for quite a long time the master instructor invited the student to have some tea.  He poured the tea continuously until the cup was overflowing.  He continued to pour until the student could no longer stand it and screamed for him to stop.  The teacher did stop and the student asked him why he poured to such an extent.  The masters answer is telling.  “Like this cup you’re full of your own ideas.  How can I teach you anything unless you are willing to first empty your cup?”  Is our cup empty or are we only filled with our own way of thinking?

Its not that all new ideas are good ideas.  Its not that all ideas are good for everyone.  It could be that some ideas may be good for some and not for others.  But unless we are willing to hear them out we will not be in a position to think about them and make a choice. 

The choice should be ours from a position of knowledge.  When we hear about something new or a way of thinking about something that is different than our present way of thinking we need to choose if this is a good or bad choice for us.  By the way just because an idea is new, bold, exciting, or innovative, does not mean that it may also be foolish.  Only by using our own mind and careful consideration can we come to a conclusion that would be good for us or our family.


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open-mindedness: overcoming fear of meeting new people

As we talk about the idea of open-mindedness we do not need to lose our convictions or preferences, but being open to new approaches or new way of doing things will help us to grow.  One way of doing this is to meet new people and be willing to listen to them and their story.  

One of my instructors talks to us on a regular basis about “who do you hang out with?”  If we are choosing to only be with people that think the same way as we do then our ability to grow and expand our thinking and creativity will be limited.  But this is hard at times to do because of the fear we have inside us.

I have that fear.  When going into a room of people I do not know, all kinds of questions run through my mind.  Will I meet anyone I know?  Will the people I meet like me?  Will I say something stupid?  But here is what I have learned.  Be open to meeting new people with the idea in your mind of – What can I do to help you?  Yes, what can I do for you?  Not what can I get from this person.  
 
Once you have this point of reference the conversations flow easier and it really puts us at ease.  Just as important, you will listen more closely to the person speaking so you can hear their point of view.  When that happens is when being openminded will really pay off, with increased knowledge and awareness of other ways of thinking.

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Open-mindedness: trying new things

Recently we had a motivational speaker visit our school and he told me how he asks young children How many of you know how to color?  They go wild telling him how they know how to color.  Then he asks them How many of you know how to dance?  Again the same reaction.  But when speaking to a group of executives at a large conference he asked the same question and the question received a very timid response, many of them waiting to see if someone else was going to put their hand up.

As many of us get older we become very concerned about what others think and if we are going to fit in.  In fact it many times stops us from trying new things or looking at new ways of doing something.  What do you think goes through someones mind when they are thinking about trying something new, whether it is an idea, getting to know someone new or a new food?  Well I am not sure if this is everything, but I am sure they are wondering if they are going to like it, is it going to be easy, am I going to be good at it, are others going to laugh at me or it looks a bit scary.

Someone once said, ” Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things.  The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions:  could have, might have, and should have.”  I would be surprised if I ever met anyone who told me that they have never spoken those words.  But wouldn’t it be a shame if we got to the end of our life and we said I should have tried to be an artist?  I should have learned to play an instrument.  I wish I had earned my black belt.

Most of the time the stories we make up in our head are worse than the reality.  Once we get ourselves involved then we enjoy it much more than we even imagined.  You will never know if you are going to like something until you try it and we must remember that even our favorite food or thing to do was once new to us.  So here is the question for all of us.  What is the answer when a person is fearful or nervous about trying something that they are not used too?  As a friend or a leader how can we help?  How about you as an individual, what could you try this month that would challenge one of your fears?

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Open-mindedness: Definition

Each month we define and discuss a word of character development with all of our students.  This month the word is Open-mindedness.  It will be defined this way.

Young students:  Open-mindedness means: “I like to learn about new things, new people, and new ideas!”

Older students:  Open-mindedness means:  Being open to new ideas and avoiding narrowness of thought.

 

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Creating peace at Thanksgiving gatherings

This time of the year we have many gatherings to go to and many of them involve family members and those close to us in other areas of our life.  Now I don’t know about you, but my guess is that you are much like me in that many of the occasions we go to, we do so with certain expectations.

We know ahead of time who is going to annoy us, who is going to brag, be outrageous or argue with us.  We think in our minds that we are going to do everything we can to stay away from certain subjects and sometimes people to try to keep the peace.  In fact the reason I am writing this is because from a ‘self-defense’ point of view, the things we do that harm us the most, come from our thoughts and mouth.

So what can we do to have peaceful gatherings?  For us to have the peace we are looking for we need to go to a place that may not seem to make sense at first.  If we are to change the relationships that we have, we must choose to be at peace with everyone in our life – and this time of the year especially with our relatives.

How can this possibly be true?  Because if the focus of our inner dialogue about our family members is on what they are doing wrong or how annoying they are, then that is exactly how your relationship is going to play out.  If what we notice about them is how annoying they are, then we are more likely to blame them for our annoyance.  But in reality the annoyance we are feeling is actually coming from our own thoughts.

In our mind we need to redirect our thinking to “My intention is to be authentic and peaceful with this person (relative)”, and that is the experience we will have.  I know this is true, I have seen it with myself and I am sure you have too.

Have you ever had a good relationship with someone and everything is going along very well and then they do something that hurts you really in a bad way?  What happens?  I have noticed that many times the very things that had been cute and appealing to me now begin to annoy me and they are very easily criticized.  We have all done this at some time. 

Our relationships are what we think they are.  I am going to talk about this more in the future, but for now just  know that,  No one is capable of making you upset without your consent.  When we decide to connect to peace, and bring peace to our relatives and relationships, we immediately gain the power to change the energy of the gathering that we attend in this season of thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!