This year ThinkKindness.org will be traveling to Kenya once again to visit and support the orphanage in Tumaini. Though I am unable to make this trip, I will be returning with a group of medical personnel in December to establish a medical clinic.
For the time though Balanced Life Skills students will once again make jump ropes for the children in Kenya. We need your help in making them. Please check out this short video for more information.
The R in SPARK stands for REASON. If we are going to persevere to reach a goal knowing why we want to do something gives us a great deal of push to accomplish that goal. Part of goal setting should always include the answer to WHY. Any goal worth reaching must move us in a way that we feel that it wouldn’t just be a nice thing to have happen – but rather – we must.
For an example if someone wanted to lose weight. Answer the question WHY first. What will losing this 15 pounds do for me, save me from, or affect my life? How will my children be affected? How will I feel? What will I be able to do that is hard for me now? Why is this important?
Getting the reason firmly planted in our mind and heart will keep us going when the hard days come and it is difficult to stay on our path to our goal. Asking ourselves the right questions will move us to continue taking action.
In the next month I will be writing about the questions we need to ask ourselves to be sure we stay on the path to reach our goals.
The K in SPARK stands for KNOWLEDGE. Wanting something or wanting to do something and knowing how to get to that goal surely are two different things. I may want to rock climb, but if I have no knowledge of the techniques, tools or where to go, it is not likely that I will become a successful rock climber.
If I seek out a skilled teacher though who guides me with the basics, shows me what equipment would be good for me to have and takes me to a place to practice, now I will start to have the knowledge and skills I need to reach my goal. The same is true for any practice that we would like to take up, whether it is computer science, playing a game, or learning how to study.
Part of gaining knowledge and skills though is our willingness to be coached. When I have a student that is ‘coach-able’ I am speaking of someone who will listen to the suggestions (new knowledge) and then try to put it into practice. While it is good to ask questions of your coach to gain deeper knowledge, it is not good to question the validity of the suggestions made by the expert (why do I have to do this?). We may not understand how this change or suggestion is going to help us reach our goal, but if we practice soon enough we will see how it helps us with details later.
When dealing with children or anyone new in a practice, getting the basics is key to the building blocks. It has been suggested by some researchers that unless gross motor skills are developed in children before they are asked to perform fine motor skill tasks – they will never reach their greatest potential. The same is true in math, reading, studying or leadership. Gaining knowledge and skills in the correct order will help us maintain our perseverance to complete our goals.
The A in SPARK stands for ACTION. Before we can persevere we must take the first step – we must act on our goal – even if we are uncertain of the outcome. Not being afraid of taking action, or afraid that our action may not yield the result that we hoped for is an act of courage and confidence.
As a parent we can praise the effort or the actions that our child has taken to reach their goal. We can also teach our children how to break down a very large goal into smaller steps and accomplish them one by one in a consistent manner – with the end result being reaching your goal. In our martial arts training we may want to reach a goal of being able to do 50 push ups on our toes without stopping. To reach this goal we need to break it down into do-able steps.
Here is how we might reach that goal by taking action.
1. commit to doing 5 good push ups 5 times every day. (using a timer allow 10 minutes between each set of 5)
2. after one month start doing 10 push ups in the same pattern. (at first this may be a little hard, but soon you will be able to do it without any problem)
3. continue adding 5 every month to your set and if you persevere, you will be able to do 50 in less than one year.
The key to this is you must take ACTION 6 days per week and not skip days. You must persevere!
2. Brainstorm some ideas of how to reach your goal. They do not have to make sense to you right now and you do not have to think of the perfect plan now. Come up with many different ways that you believe you could solve the problem. If you cannot think of any, talk to your supporters for their ideas and then get them written down. Now it is time to select a solution. You may want to have a ‘success coach’ as you weigh your different options and to help you stay on track. Pick one that you believe will help you reach your goal and that you are comfortable with.
3. Commit to working your plan and take consistent action. Persevere and do not give up. If you have a ‘success coach’ they can help guide you and keep you on the path you have chosen.
4. Review your progress. Is what you are trying working or not working? Do you need to tweak a part of it or try something new altogether? Has something changed for you, are the circumstances or end results the same as when you started on this path? Regularly checking in and then renewing and sometimes revising your goals will keep you feeling like you are in control of your life and the decisions being made that effect you.
Making decisions and choices about your life is a key part of reducing stress. In our next series of article we will discuss how to make the best decisions possible so that you stay on the path that will make you feel the best and result in the success you want out of your life.
Our job as a parent is to expose our children to a variety of activities and interests. While we may find one child interested in reading or math – another child may have a passion for one particular sport or activity like horseback riding or nature. Some children will thrive with competition and teams while others would rather do something by themselves. The martial arts if taught in a manner that does not promote competition may be a perfect fit for someone who does not want to compete. If we are not sure where their head is at, we can keep trying by listening to them and paying attention to what appears to make them happy. Then you can do what you can to expose them to and promote their interest.
One word of warning though. Not all children will be interested in the same things and certainly not interested in what the parents may want them to be interested in. Trying to find what our child is passionate for calls for a certain amount of non-ownership, allowing the child to express themselves and then doing what you can to support their interest.
One small side note: One of my children, the youngest, showed an interest in books and films. He would spend hours reading and watching films. As he was exposed to that world more and more he eventually went to college for creative writing and now has a book published. I can tell you that understanding the level of that passion and watching him go to a college for writing is hard for a parent – but one that has resulted in a very happy young adult.
