Balanced Life Skills Martial Arts

In many ways, Aikido is a lifelong journey. There’s always something to learn around the corner,always something just out of reach. This is what makes practicing Aikido so rewarding. You are always on the path, and the path never ends. I have practiced with Aikido practitioners who have been on the path for many years but never tested. Their Aikido was no worse than those students who pursued rank. The Aikido journey is not one of rank. It is one of personal development.

The journey of Aikido—and all martial arts—is not driven by the attainment of rank or recognition.These are external things that contain no inherent value; things you show to others to gain the recognition and admiration of others. The things that matter: technical skill; personal confidence;and the ability to teach others have nothing to do with a particular belt. A practitioner of the “lowest” rank has the ability to welcome a new and unranked student and show them what he or she knows. Likewise, the “highest” ranked student has every opportunity to learn something new from even the newest class participant through the act of instruction.

When we as martial artists start personally identifying with a particular “rank” or colored belt, we are at a very high risk of technical and philosophical stagnation. Such a personalization of rank is very dangerous for several reasons.

First, if we identify too strongly with a rank, we are effectively closing off our ability to learn from everyone on the mat. A white or yellow belt has the potential to teach a black belt just as muchas—if not more—than the dojo instructor. The mechanism is different, but the learning is the same. An instructor imparts a technique by describing and demonstrating it to the students. An advanced student learns from a beginning student through the act of instruction. Having to describe and show the technique in a way that the beginning student understands is the highest educational experience for the more advanced student.

Additionally, focusing on the attainment of a particular rank can very often get in the way of focusing on what’s important; internalizing the techniques and developing a deep sense of how the techniques work best for your skill level and body type. The rank means nothing, your mental and physical ability to internalize the skill set is the greater focus.

Finally, a myopic view of rank and belts within your specific school ignores the broader context of martial arts. In all Japanese martial arts systems, a practitioner is a white belt until they are awarded a black belt. I say “awarded,” because there is no test. When the instructor feels that a particular student has achieved a certain skill level, that student is given a black belt. There is no test, no ceremony, and no recognition. It just is. Often, this process takes 10 – 12 years.

The system of colored belts was only adopted after the Japanese arts were introduced to American culture, which is inherently impatient and demands visible signs of progress in the form of colored belts, ignoring the more subtle—but more important—visible signs of progress in a student’s technique over time. Further undermining the idea of a particular “colored belt” meaning anything is an examination of the Tae Kwon Do rank of red belt. In Tae Kwon Do—a Korean martial art—a red belt symbolizes the highest ranking non-black belt student. However, in Karate—a Japanese martial art—a red symbolizes the absolute highest level of mastery, a 9th degree black belt which is only earned after a devoted lifetime of study and training. The Korean red belt was deliberately adopted to make a social and political statement against Japanese supremacy and occupation during
World War II.

So what does a belt mean? Why are there colors? What does rank mean? What does a test mean?The answer is nothing, and everything. A belt, or obi, is a tool to keep the gi top closed, and the pants up. It is nothing more. If your school has adopted a colored belt system, the purpose of a belt is not to be “above” your peers. Rather, the colored belt serves as a declaration to other students concerning what you are able to teach them, and identifies who the lower ranked students should goto with questions. A test is not a particular moment in time. A test occurs every time you step on to the mat, every time you practice, and every time you learn.

Ultimately, if you are striving to attain rank, you will never truly achieve it. Rank is not a static or singular  entity or status that can be captured, conquered, owned, or mastered. If you cannot see and appreciate your technical and philosophical progress independently of colored belts, testing, and attaining rank, you have not fully understood the essence of the martial arts journey.

The summertime offers more free time and our kids are going to want to do things online more than ever.  So what are some guidelines that we can set and how do we keep them safe.  This article that just came out covers this material very well.  It is at the Common Sense Media website.

As for Balanced Life Skills we will be covering age appropriate reminders for students on internet safety in our Focus on Friendship summer workshops for kids.  In this part of the workshop we will be talking to each group about defining the term cyber-bullying, and helping them to see healthy ways to use the computer and safety rules for them to be aware are necessary.   Each age group will be treated appropriately.

Teaching character and life skills to students

The first word we here in trustworthiness is ‘trust’.  Friedrich Nietzsche once wrote,” I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.”  There are many ways of losing that trust and it is not just with words.  As we get older, teens and adults, it is not about games, tests and papers any more.  The concept of trust goes to a much higher level and becomes very personal in our relationships in love, work and friends.

The second part of that word is ‘worthiness’.  Are our words and deeds worthy of trust?  If we were to ask ourselves how the other person might feel if we take this action or say these words it will help us to be aware of the affect and consequences of our words and actions.   Being truthful with tact and kindness will make all of our relationships much stronger.

While some may be willing to put up with others not being truthful most find it very hard to continue in a relationship where trust has been lost.  It simply is not comfortable to be in any kind of relationship – personal or business – that you are suspicious of those that you have interactions with.  We can begin teaching our children these values and principles by helping them to appreciate that being trusted is one of our most valuable qualities.  By not cheating or taking what does not belong to us in little things we set the course for when we are older and the stakes are higher.

Announcement: Balanced Life Skills introduces the first in a series of public websites that will address issues that our children, parents and teachers will be interested in following.  The first of this series is Bully Prevention Partners.  This public site will have information for all on it, but will also invite everyone to become a partner in changing the culture of our schools and communities.

Here is the link to Bully Prevention Partners.  Please take a look and let me know what we might be able to add to it to make it more useful for all.  Future sites will cover a number of subjects that we are looking for partners in educating and bringing awareness too.  We look forward to the coming weeks.

Teaching character and life skills to students

This is a question that every parent has asked themselves, just not understanding how “their child” could possibly do this to them.  Children lie for the same reason that their parents do, they are attempting to solve a problem.

Problem: I want to go outside to play  and I have homework -

Solution: Tell mom and dad I did it already.

Problem: I want to go to a friends house but my room is not clean -

Solution: Stuff everything under the bed and tell mom I cleaned.

Problem: I don’t like what is in my lunch

Solution: Tell mom I ate it, but really I threw it away.
Sometimes the ‘problem’ is not disappointing you or wanting your approval.
Problem: Broken vase

Solution: “I didn’t do it.” (knee jerk reaction)
Lying is a faulty problem solving technique for the child.  Now that we know that they are using it as a problem solving technique we know what they really need is not a lecture on how “bad” they are for lying, but rather they need better problem solving techniques.  However that does not mean that there should not be consequences for lying.  Here is the key to the consequences though.  It is best to have a consequence for the lying and a separate consequence for the behavior or problem they were trying to solve.  For example; if the problem is not turning in homework – you may have a consequence for lying about it (taking something away for a short period of time) and a problem solving technique (a specific time to do school work under your supervision.  This would be even if they say they have no homework – they still must use this time to study and do school work until you can see improvement).
There is an Asian philosophy called ‘Mushin’ – staying calm and disconnected when you have been triggered by an act or words.  When dealing with lying as parents we cannot take it personally and we have to simply have a consequence that we apply in a matter of fact manner for lying that happens every time.  Our children have to know that they cannot get around the rules simply by lying.  No lectures on the morality of lying (though in a less heated moment it is good to discuss this) but rather a value that the family has;  ”in our family we tell the truth” and we solve problems in other ways other than lying.   Being trustworthy is one of the most important connections we have with our children and the need for trust goes both ways.  Learning and practicing better problem solving skills will reduce the amount of lying done by our children.

Teaching character and life skills to students

One of the differences between one who reaches their goals and has a successful career and life and those that do not is in this quality of trustworthiness.  Those who consistently tell the truth, keep promises, keep secrets, do not cheat, follow the rules, do the right thing because it is the right thing to do and are accountable for the mistakes they make – achieve success in all parts of their life.

Those who choose to do otherwise may gain some short term successes, but in the long run their success will be very shallow and they will create a legacy of not being trustworthy.  Teaching our children about trustworthiness is not just what we talk about, but mainly about what we demonstrate with our actions.

On the subject of internal arts and the effects of emotions, I’d like to talk about anger a bit. It is the emotion that I am most aware of struggling with in my own training, and I see it every day in others.

I think the allure of anger is that anger feels powerful. When the world is not as we want it to be, or we don’t like how we are treated by others, it is comforting to feel we are kings, as if our displeasure has the ability to reform things to our liking. When we are angry, we do not feel helpless, we do not feel vulnerable.

For an example of anger, let’s consider weapons shop vendors here in Wudang. My classmates and I are learning spear, so the other day I had to go to one of these shops. I struggle to finance my training, and I can not afford to throw money around carelessly on anything. However, it is standard practice in these shops that when a foreigner walks in the first quote rockets up above %1,000 and no amount of haggling will lower it to any realistic value (I am not exaggerating, and thank the rich, gullible tourists for that). Despite my best efforts, the best price I could get was 70 yuan, down from an original quote of 110 yuan, while my Chinese kungfu brother walked out of the store with the same spear for 20 yuan.

This makes me angry, and in my anger I feel righteous. I think, ” They’ll regret making me angry. My friends and I will never shop there again. I’ll write a blog about these jerks and ruin them internationally. I ought to go back there and throw a brick through the window of the shop, I’ll… I’ll…” But reality sets in and each of these angry thoughts is revealed as pointless and wrong. I will have to go back to that crook the next time I need a new weapon. My friends will do the same. Gouging customers is how these guys make their living, and no one blinks at it. That brick, though tempting, would be cowardly, petty, and probably make a lot of trouble for me, my master, and other foreigners in the area. Once I have left the store with my purchase, I am every bit as powerless as I feel. My anger does violence to me, and that vendor doesn’t lose any sleep at all.

Truly that vendor is part of my training, a sparring partner of sorts. I have to accept the fact that he is part of a system that is so much larger than me that I can not fight it. What can I do? I must proceed in a yielding way. I can try to learn to haggle better. I can make friends and they can shop on my behalf. I can be thankful that as a white American male, I have been given an opportunity to understand discrimination and compassion as I would never have understood it had I stayed in my own culture. But most importantly, I have to learn that though is nice to imagine myself as a king in my castle, inviolable and potent, there will always be forces in this world greater than me and lesser than me. And regardless of my actual ability to change my surroundings, I must be able to relate to them with tranquility. Thus, China itself tempers me.

I sometimes worry about how I will someday teach these lessons to Americans at home, where everyone tells you you can, “have it your way.” Anyway, more next time.

And if, in the unforeseeable future, I find myself in charge of regulating commercial tourism practices in Wudang, that salesman had better keep his head down ;-p.

Teaching character and life skills to students

Each month we define and discuss a word of character development and life skill with all of our students.

This month the word is Trustworthiness and will be defined this way.

Young students: Trustworthiness means, “You can count on me, to do the right thing.”

Older students: Trustworthiness means:  Worthy of trust by being Reliable, Accountable and Dependable. (RAD)

Here are the worksheets for our students:

Trustworthiness Project Tiger Tot

Trustworthiness Project 5-6 year olds

Trustworthiness Project 7-12

Trustworthiness Project Teen : Adults

If you would like to see how we will talk about TRUSTWORTHINESS with our students please follow our discussions here during the month of May or come in and TRY A CLASS.

Teaching character and life skills to students

Our legacy or how we are remembered is a day by day, place by place, person by person event.  If we are the guests of someone in their home and are disrespectful or leave a mess – that person will remember us for that event.  If we are in school and we are good listeners and work hard and are conscientious about our school work – that is how that teacher will remember us.  Many of us have had our older brother or sister go ahead of us in school and even what they are remembered for is expected from us – good or bad.

How we behave is how we will be remembered and how we are remembered is about our character.  Persons with good character have good principles that they live by. They believe in honor, integrity, duty, justice and other ethical values.  They live up to those values because of two other qualities namely, conscious and courage.  Conscious is our internal voice that reminds us of our moral obligations and courage helps us to do the right thing even when the cost is high, risky or unpleasant.

No matter whether we are parents or children we will be remembered by the character we display, both in the good times and the difficult.  As parents though we are molding the children’s character everyday and every minute.   The choices that we make create our legacy and affect the way our children will create their own legacy.  The same is true if we are the older child in the family.  So when we make a choice we might want to do it with the question in our mind, What would we do if our child was watching us, or our parents are watching us or our sibling was watching us?

Is this action one that I would like to be remembered for by those around me and that are so important to me?