Balanced Life Skills Martial Arts

Today we look at an overview of the three parties involved in bullying. In the next few days we will look at each party in detail along with what the effects of bullying can have on everyone involved. Statistics show that by the time a child gets to middle school they have all seen, heard of, been the target of bullying or been the bully. The effects of this is important for all of us to be aware of.

Cyberbullying is the fastest growing bullying method for students as young as 6 and 7 years old.  Learn to protect your children.

I have started to record 31 messages about bullying and posting them on the Bully Prevention Partners website.  The fourth one posted today talks about the reasons children give for waiting a long time or not report at all the bullying that might be taking place to them.  For the rest of this month we will discuss this subject and I encourage everyone who is interested in this subject to join in the conversation on creating a culture of peace in our schools and community.

All of us must be sure that when we are working with a student who is the target of a bully that they know everything that is listed in this collage of words.  Not sure what it says?  Join us at Bully Prevention Partners for the complete list and more information on what parents, teachers and students can do to create the culture of peace in the classroom.

Today was the first post in a 10 part series for teachers on classroom management.  The idea is to provide help for teachers and parents (parents are teachers too) for helping to eliminate bullying in your classroom or home.  Learning is best done when all students feel safe and secure, and are not afraid of being picked on.

Please join our efforts to create that situation for all students at Bully Prevention Partners.  We are looking to engage teachers, parents and students in our discussion on creating a culture of peace in the classroom.

Do not wait till your son or daughter is the target of a bully.  You can help them now – not to be the target and to have the strength to stand up for themselves and others in bullying situations.   Invite your children’s teachers to visit and contribute to Bully Prevention Partners.  Together we can make a difference.

Does saying “Just ignore it.”  help a child when they are being bullied?  While this is advice that has been given for years, the fact is that it does not solve the problem for the target of the bully.

In fact as the child tries to ignore the bully, the damage that is done deep on the inside of the victim may be hidden away, but is really eating away at them, as they develop self doubt, and less and less confidence.    So what can we do?

Recently the article, How to Build Confidence in Children & Stop Bullying, explored this subject.  After reading this you may want to pass this on to your friends and neighbors, as bullying is a community issue that will only be solved as we work together to improve our society.

Here is a link to the article:  http://bit.ly/lyEjML

If you are bullied as a young child will you continue to be bullied as you go into your teen years and beyond?  In 2009 there was a study done that indicates that for boys who were victims of bullying at the age between 6 and 9, they were no more likely to continue to be victims 2 -4 years later.  However this was not the case for girls.

“The researchers said that girls’ “tightly knit” friendship networks could make it difficult for them to “escape the victimization role”. *

As we look at the behavior of young girls even in pre-school developing habits of excluding each other, we need to recognize the long term affects on both of them.  For those who are the target of the exclusion with, “you can’t play with us”, this is a very confusing time.  This type of behavior is not just a ‘rite of passage’,  or ‘girls being girls’, anymore than a boy who continues to hit another boy should be allowed to do so.  This sort of aggression should be taken as seriously as any other type of aggression.  

If a young girl takes on a role of ‘victim’ this may be taken into all of her relationships including into who she dates and possibly marries.  So what can we do?

Parents and teachers should be aware of the formation of these close ties that exclude others and suggest that if they want a special time to play together, that can be arranged, but we are now going to play in a manner that is good for the whole group.

Teaching our young children to play together with respect is starting them off of the right foot.  If we as parents take a strong stand on friendships, exclusions, and respect for the feelings of others, our children will respond to those values.

Balanced Life Skills is working on bully prevention and more important on character building in all of our students.  Do you have a story about bullying that you would share with us?  The more information we have on what is happening in our community, the better we can prepare our children to be better citizens.

Social network: Stop Bullies Now

Forum question:  Has your child been bullied in school?

Thank you for your help and be sure to send these links to your friends as we work to build a community against bullying behavior.

*Wolke, D., Woods, S., & Samara, M. (2009). Who escapes or remains a victim of bullying in primary school? British Journal of Developmental Psychology, 27 (4), 835-851 DOI:

The simple answer is YES!  Having said that though, some of the teasing that takes place with pre-school children is not bullying in the classic sense and definition.  It may be young ones just trying on their social skills and not yet having them honed yet.  The definition of bullying is the intentional use of power over another person to manipulate or hurt the target physically or emotionally over a period of time.  Therefore it is something that is taking place on more than one ocassion.

pre-school bullies hurt parents and children

Increasingly though we are seeing and hearing reports of pre-school children repeatedly picking on, teasing and physically hurting other children in their class or on the playground.  In an effort to understand what is happening to our children and then to offer suggestions to resolve these issues with parents and teachers I am interested in hearing the stories from you about what has happened to your child or to someone you have seen.  What have you done to resolve the issues?  How have teachers and administrators reacted when you have discussed the questions about bullying?  For the teachers, how do you deal with this conduct when you see it in your classes or playground?

What is your story?  Were you bullied as a small child?  Is your son or daughter being teased on a regular basis or being bullied in another way? Tell your story here as we work on changing the culture in our communities.

Continue to check back as we work on this subject of helping our children build the character and courage to be their best.

If you don’t think your child is being harassed take a note of this:
50% of people ages 14-24 have experienced digitally abusive behavior. *
61% of those who have sent a naked photo or video of themselves have been pressured by someone to do so at least once.*
*2009 poll conducted by MTV
Digital harassment is when technology and electronic communication devices are used to “stay in touch” – but the relationship has become manipulative and controlling.  If someone is feeling badgered or threatened this is a form of cyber-bullying and many times takes place between two people in a romantic relationship.  Many times  there are demands for passwords, inappropriate photos, requests for one of the parties not to be a friend to another on a social website or it may become a time when lies / rumors are spread or someone is being impersonated.

In the 2009 poll conducted by MTV it was found that those being targeted by this sort of harassment may not want to come to school anymore, may engage in risky behavior or even have ideation of suicide.  For parents this is a time for you to stay close to your teen and support them, with discussions about online safety and reminding them that you are there for them.  You may also want to encourage your child to be willing to talk to other trusted adults such as a teacher or counselor at school.  Help them to to set boundaries that they are comfortable with.  Most of the time when photos are sent, passwords shared or other inappropriate acts take place on line it happens after there has been pressure put on the student by one or more other students.

Here are a couple of resources that may be of help to you and your family. Read the rest of this entry →