Over and over on Facebook I have been seeing this video being played that is noted below. So many workmates and others on Facebook have come to the side of the news anchor in support and it is heartwarming to see so many stand up for this young lady. The words that were sent to her obviously did nothing to make her feel good about herself and many of her colleagues and others have denounced what they called bullying. Please watch this and then I will comment on what I saw and heard.

Sending an email like this to someone whom you do not know anything about but what you see on TV was wrong. Would I like to see her lose weight. Yes for her own health’s sake. Do I know if she is on a medication that may lead to retention of weight? No I do not. Do I know if she has a medical condition that causes her to not be able to keep weight off? I do not. So I should keep my mouth shut and accept her for who she is and how she conducts herself. I may want to practice some empathy, tolerance, consideration.

But is this a case of bullying? The answer is a clear NO. Is this a case of a typical bullying behavior (name calling)? That is a clear YES. This was not bullying as defined by all of the experts, as bullying is defined as being DELIBERATE (with the intention to hurt someone) REPEATED (targeting the same person again and again) POWER IMBALANCE (difference in social, economical or some other perceived imbalance). This situation does not seem to fit this definition.

However the message she delivered in response to the sender was spot on. It covered many good points and I commend her for the response. But I would suggest that it was not bullying and not fair to those who are really being bullied, who have put up with all sorts of messages, physical and verbal abuse, being ostracized or manipulated or rumors & gossip being spread about them or many times much worse.

We should not be misusing the bullying tag.  We can and should stand up against bullying behavior and bullying.  But when we mix up bullying with bad taste, uncivilized behavior it is a slap in the face to the thousands of individuals who are bullied everyday.

I want to share a story with you:

I”ve been bullied, ALL BY GIRLS, since I was 10. When it first started it was these twin girls who harrassed me too my face, told rumors about me. When they left the school, they started to cyberbully me. I was so hurt, and even got some death threats. I was scared, but ignored them so they got bored and moved on. Then I was 12, and this girl I was friends with suddenly decided she thought I was a “loser” for no reason. She stopped when I was 14. When I was 13 though, I had a friend and she made fun of EVERYTHING I did from Septmeber until around April or May. I finally told a teacher when she threw a fruit in my hair. I was miserable. She was suspended for half a day. It was horrible. Then my best friend, while all this was happening, decided she liked the bully more than me, so she joined in, but only on the computer. The bullying finally stopped for awhile. Then, when I was 14, this girl, also my friend, decided I needed to feel worthless. It was terrible I didn”t think this was very fair. She”s being nice to me again. My other old friend was also bullying me about how I spoke and apparently I”m clingy. She gossiped about me all the time. That”s resolved too. Sometimes I just wonder what I”m doing wrong because so many people start to dislike me randomly.

Beginning July 9th we will begin our summer workshops for students in age specific and gender specific classes.  We invite those who have an interest in supporting their child in building relationships, friendship and confidence to join us for this class.  Here is a link to the sign up sheet or you can drop in on the day your age group is meeting.

Focus on Friendship – Bully Prevention Workshop

In the fall we will also be providing short information sessions for parents on bully prevention.

There have been a number of events that have taken place in my life or very close to me that has had me stop and think about being proactive. Many times the solutions to problems and the antidote to issues are prescribed after a bad event, but those very solutions and antidotes are very effective to never having the problem in the first place. Let me show a couple of examples.

If you go to the doctor and find that you are pre-diabetic or have diabetes, what do they do? They may put you on medications, but they will for sure instruct you on changing your diet and getting more exercise. So why do we wait till something happens, disaster is ready to strike and then start making changes, when we know that a healthy diet and good exercise routine can result in good health, with lowered risk of these kinds of diseases?

Recently someone close to me that suffers from depression, anxiety and bi-polar disorder after getting the chemicals balanced out was encouraged to take the time to learn and practice meditation. In fact at the hospital, the encouragement was talking to someone (social therapist), physical activity, and learning peace with meditation. These are all recommendations that are good for all of us. Why do we wait to practice some alone and quiet time, simply sitting with ourselves, and allowing our minds to rest – till we are stressed out or even worst have a complete breakdown? Should we not practice good mental health on a daily basis?

I have really started thinking about this in light of the work I am doing on bully prevention. To be honest it is hard to find individuals interested in the work that needs to be done – unless of course they are being bullied or their child is being picked on or worst yet someone is thinking of harming themselves. Then the subject is quite important to them.

Please do not wait till your child is being harmed in some manner, or until you find out that they are being hurt, before you take proactive steps to help them. Do not wait till they are in a fight and you admit that there are anger management issues that should have been dealt with a long time ago. Friendships, relationships and the way we deal with one another is not something that we wait till a bad destructive event. Do not wait to learn about verbal self defense, anger management, relational aggression, or the boy code – until there is an emergency situation in your life.

If you want to help me put the information together, find ways to help others and create a curriculum for all of us to study please contact me and I will tell you where I am at this time and we can discuss solutions to creating a culture of peace in our schools and community.