As our children get older they begin to feel their independence and they want to show that they can do things on their own. They may begin to feel that they no longer need to tell us, their parents, when or where they are coming or going. Even if they do tell us, they may feel a certain amount of resentment about having to do so.
So how do we overcome this inclination? When my children were growing up, whenever I was getting ready to leave the house, I always made sure to tell each of them individually that I was leaving, where I was going and what time I expected to return. At first I just made this a practice. Later as they got older, I explained to them the reason for doing so.
I did not want them to wonder where I was if they were looking for me. I wanted them to know when to expect me to return, in case they had something to talk about or ask me. I explained to them it was my way of showing my respect for them. Then as they got older, I could ask them to do the same for me. I had set the example.
Was it or is it required that a parent tell their children – even when there is another adult in the house? Of course not. But doing so gives you an excellent argument when your child feels like it is intrusive to their independence. It is demonstrating good manners – showing kindness and respect.
Manners are so important for children to learn as in the words of Clarence Thomas, “Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot.” When we use the good manners of saying please when making requests, or thank you when others have done a good deed toward us, we are showing that the feelings of others matter to us.
On Sunday May 5 at 3 PM you are invited to share in the celebration of our 3 black belt candidates who will complete their testing with a demonstration. In the last couple of months in addition to all of the physical preparations the three candidates completed the following:
A positive attitude is great for our health, both mental and physical. However we can have times in our life that it seems very difficult to be or stay positive. Things may not seem to be going our way. A negative attitude may creep in on us or we may have others around us who are filling us with negative thoughts.
If however I create a positive attitude by thinking along the lines of knowing that things will get better, or I can apologize or this argument is not going to last forever – then we can start the process of creating a positive attitude. I may have to force myself to think that way, it may not come natural. But this is a part of us ‘making the choice’ of the attitude we are going to have.
How is it that in a classroom or an office there is always one person that can find the negative things that could happen that day or on this project or if we go in that direction? How often does that attitude of negativity dampen the spirits of others around them? Is it not refreshing when one or more others step up and insist on looking at our work or our lives in a more positive manner?
Our brain works in the same manner. It will look for the answers to the questions we ask it. If we tell ourselves, “We are going to have a terrible day!”, our brain looks for all the reasons we will have a terrible day and will give us a long list that we are there to approve. However if we ask, “What is great about today?”, our brain will search for answers to that question. Those answers will become your reality. Your focus on positive thoughts become your feelings and emotions, which in turn become your reality.